The Normalization of Physical Violence Against Women

Nada (pseudonym) from Deir Ezzor countryside is 37 years old. Nada has been subjected to violence from her family, whether through physical abuse or verbal insults, and she always felt discriminated against compared to her male siblings. She always dreamed of the day when she would get married to end the tragedy of the violence she experiences.

Nada tells the story of her marriage to her cousin when she was 25 years old: “My father and my uncle agreed to marry me to my cousin without my consent or even listening to my opinion. These norms still exist in some families, where the marriage between a cousin and his cousin’s daughter is inevitable”.

Nada continues the story about her marriage: “I didn’t show any reaction to the marriage with my cousin, even though nothing would change if I objected to it. I believed that marriage would give me an opportunity to start a new life free from violence, where I would be respected by my husband. However, I quickly discovered that my new life was even more difficult than the one I had escaped from”.

Nada describes her marital experience as different from a typical beginning: “Shortly after getting married, my husband quickly expressed his dissatisfaction with our marriage, citing my lack of education. He constantly described our life together as miserable and claimed that he was forced into marrying me, emphasizing that I was not the woman of his dreams. According to him, he desired an educated woman with a job to support the household expenses. Later, I discovered that he used my perceived flaws as an excuse to subject me to harsh and violent treatment”.

Nada further details the hardships she faced in her marriage: “I endure physical abuse from my husband for the slightest reasons. Even when I ask him for money or household necessities, or when I seek his permission to attend an event, he would physically assault me and berate me. He humiliates me in front of our five children, whom I hoped would change his treatment towards me. But nothing changed; instead, his treatment got much worse”.

Nada began to feel isolated and trapped in a large prison, especially when she attempted to seek help. But she found no support from her family or community, who considered divorce as a shameful and unacceptable option in society, and that the idea of a husband disciplining his wife through physical abuse is his right: “Despite these challenges, I remained determined to find a way out for myself and my children. I started talking to my husband’s sisters and father, explaining my suffering and difficult circumstances, hoping to receive some support, but nobody wanted to listen to me. Such convictions are deeply entrenched in everyone. My father-in-law believed that I should endure for my own good and the well-being of my children”.

Nada’s hopes for improvement gradually faded, especially after everyone around her refused to help: “My miserable life continued. I crumbled down after every similar incident, leaving me isolated and alone, away from my children, whom I felt humiliated in front of, every time I was abused by my husband. I surrendered to reality and adapted to this life as if brutal physical violence was a part of my daily life”.

She also discussed the effects of physical violence on herself and her children, particularly in an unhealthy environment where her husband did not respect her inside the house or in front of their children: “I still suffer brutal physical violence that leave bruises on my body, such as redness and discoloration of the skin, along with back pain. This ongoing situation has affected the well-being of my children, especially my eldest daughter, who is thirteen years old. When the topic of marriage is brought up in front of her, she condemns it and warns against women who end up in the same fate as mine”.

Nada adds, “Unfortunately, this normalization of violence against women by family and spouses must stop. Local actors should play a role in promoting change, especially women’s rights organizations. It is their duty to assist women who experience domestic violence, raise awareness about their rights, and educate men about the rejection of violence and its significant impact on individuals and families”. Nada concludes, “Pressure should be exerted on families to break free from some traditions whose harm has become apparent in society. My situation has harmed me and my children, and I do not know how far its damage will extend in the future”.